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These Harrowing Tales of Heartache

by Edward Kildow

/
1.
The Vagaries 03:36
Maybe I'd do better with a different view Been staring out this window since who knows when Maybe it's the fault of this tiny room I can tell right now that this ain't my zen I'm just sitting here Head in my cold hands Vagaries just have to wait It was a series of mixed metaphors, and a slow clap It was more about the territory, than it ever was about the map I’ve never burned a bridge that, didn't need to fry Maybe I'd do better in a different town Someplace the strangers don't look the same Maybe if I didn't have that kind of face That says leave me alone don't want to play your game I'm still sitting here Head in my cold hands Vagaries just will not wait It was a meek appropriation of, our simple symmetry A thin, jejune codex of, our coarse depravity I've looked into it and, I'll be just fine Maybe if I cared less I could to get along I've heard experience is as good as wealth It'd be so much simpler if I wasn't wrong Didn't need you to do it, I did it myself I'll be sitting here Head in my cold hands Vagaries up in the air
2.
It's a dull old town without you Gotta drink alone these days I guess that I could call you But what would I say? Heard you started up your new life As far away as you could get You're feeling free and happy Now that, you're rid of me, I bet Some say love is a miracle Our destiny, our fate I say love's an old photograph But the color never fades I never wanted to be the guy To come between you and your pride And I never wanted to be the one To say goodbye in the dead of night There was a story in the paper Reminded me of you Had my chance to make it right But what did I do? This routine's like a sideshow Gets harder everyday I hope I learn my lesson Before they chump me in the clay They say all hearts are broken And I suppose that's true It didn't make it easier The final, the final me and you And I never wanted to be the guy To come between you and your pride And I never wanted to be the one To say goodbye in the dead of night
3.
I know that someday You’ll probably walk away And you’re never gonna be so gone And as of right now We get along somehow But you look at me like I’m carrion Don’t you know, babe, you’re something to see But you ain’t gonna make me cry And if you want to make a meal out of me You’re gonna have to stick around awhile So, here’s the lowdown I’m not about to drown We both knew where this was going But I’ll give you a chance To spin some romance Between all that shade you’re throwing Don’t you know, babe, you’re acting genteel Like you think you don’t need to try But if you want to get to the real You’re gonna have to stick around awhile I’m not trying to say Things should go my way Honest, babe, not trying to fuck with you You got a choice to make I don’t care what it takes But do it quick, I got other shit to do Don’t you know, babe, we all get that itch But some of us don’t think we need to lie You should have know that this was the hitch You’re gonna have to stick around awhile
4.
“We can’t go on like this.” “It's too late to turn back now.” I focused on the road As if that made sense somehow Our reckless situations and self-recriminations Ought to do us proud The subtle implications of what we’re doing right now Really ought to leave no doubt We’re all turning on a circle that's coming back around We build it up and then we tear it down We hardly made a sound then we’re in the ground If you don’t mind, would you drive for a while If we’re gonna end the war I think we better do it now Too focused on results Only goes as far as we allow Our subtle machinations and cruel manipulations While we try to live out loud Giving in to delusions, right now is Asking more than we have vowed We’re all turning on a circle that's coming back around We build it up and then we tear it down We hardly made a sound then we’re in the ground If you don’t mind, would you drive for a while “We can’t go on like this.” “It's too late to turn back now.”
5.
On the table In a long note She explains All the reasons she’s had All the ways She felt like she was dead All the times Your Ignored her And all you see From the front porch The cab she rides in Drives away With the beating of your heart In a daze As your future falls apart All the times You said you loved her Were probably true On the table In a long note She explains How deeply she cared All the ways She got as close as she dared All the times She showed you That she loved you Should have let her know
6.
Heard they got a new way to feel Is it really the big deal They made it out to be, but It’s free with every purchase, now And I really don’t know how they Can afford to give it away for free But it’s gonna be the new thing Everybody gotta have one Gonna need to stand in line To get me the black one Better get one quick while The supplies last They’ll repeat the number At the end of this broadcast Heard they got a new way to feel Makes it hard to know what’s real And no one seems to care, but They know that they got us now And I really don’t know how We’ll have to pay to upgrade the software But it’s gonna be the new thing Everybody gotta have one Gonna have to stand in line To get me the black one Better get one quick while The supplies last They’ll repeat the number At the end of this broadcast
7.
Here I sit alone More than half my life gone by I listened to my heart is why, I’m here I’m trying to be all circumspect I have the time to reflect When I’m speaking to the mirror, I say Your Heart’s a fucking Liar What good’s it even ever been Your Heart’s a fucking Liar Bastard got you in this mess you’re in I prob’ly should have known Cuz they never tell you where love goes While you’re shivering in the freeze Your heart’s the one that sucks you in Takes you down the road and back again And watches while you bleed Your Heart’s a fucking Liar A monster trying to hide it’s savagery Your Heart’s a fucking Liar And you wear the bastard on your sleeve
8.
Blind 01:24
I've never been so blind This could be my... This could be my fault I'm begging you for real I'm not content to... Not content to breathe and feel Why has become a... A rhetorical question Am I missing... Am I missing something You're the right one Hating all the... Hating all the small talk And choking on the candor What difference does it make What I just said I'm making no sense

credits

released May 9, 2019

Guitar, Vocals, Programming: Edward Kildow
Bass: Jared Oliver

Produced and Engineered by Edward Kildow and Jared Oliver
Mastering by Eric DeWitt

Recorded, mixed, and mastered between
February and May 2019, at Otra Vez Studios, Boise, ID.

Cover photo by C. Jerry Simmons, courtesy of the National Archives

Without the endless enthusiasm and encouragement of the following people, this project would still be a distant hope; my cup runneth over, for real:

Eric DeWitt, Austin Foudy, Pam Hansen, Natalie Valenti, Lynne Kildow, Bryan Rodie, Kamoryn Keeslar, Jesse Rouse. This list could go on and on. Thanks to everyone. I love you.

Dedicated to the memory of Nick LaVerne

All songs © & ℗ 2019, Edward Kildow Music, all rights reserved.

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Edward Kildow Boise, Idaho

Singer-songwriter from Boise, ID.

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